Curse Word March Madness

Here’s a 64-word curse word bracket from Deadspin and I think it’s the greatest thing since sliced bread. Head over to Deadspin and vote for your words.

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The contest will advance after tallies are totaled, but I did it in my head and here’s my Final Four:

1. Felch

Felch was a 12-seed in the Sex Regional. A cinderella team, for sure. But how long would their run go? For those who don’t know what felching is, and you should, it is a gay act. It entails blowing one’s load into another man’s asshole and then sucking it out with a straw. I have been using the term felching for 10+ years and I love it.

Felch took out boner in the First Round, jizz in the Second (a close one), queef in the Sweet Sixteen and clit in the Elite Eight.

2. Cunt

Cunt was a 5-seed in the Body Regional. The committee got this all wrong. Cunt is probably the most sacred word of all nowadays. You never hear it. The mere mention can turn a woman’s hatred in your direction.

Cunt took out prick in the First, piss in the Second, twat in the Sweet Sixteen, and taint in the Elite Eight.

3. Fuckface

Fuckface, an 11-seed in the Compound Curse Words Regoinal, is this year’s Cinderella. Jimmy V must be the coach here because this word can turn an argument right in your favor. I feel like fuckface like cunt, but men get offended too. No one just calls someone fuckface, it is meant as a term to demean a person.

Fuckface took out buttcrack, dipshit, clusterfuck, and cocksucker, respectively.

4. Jagoff

Jagoff was an 8-seed in the Potpourri Regional. This word, though more of a regional word, had a pretty easy round to the Final Four as it took out vag in the First, shit in the Second, crap in the Sweet Sixteen and choad in the Elite Eight.

Felch v. Cunt

Cunt wins here in a sizeable blowout as the 12-seeded felch’s cinderella season ends. Cunt is just too powerful a word. Want proof? Call your girlfriend or female boss one and see what happens.

Fuckface v. Jagoff

Fuckface, the 11-seed, beats jagoff pretty handily here. The Potpourri regional shows its weakness as jagoff never really makes it a game.

FINALS

cunt v. fuckface

I have fuckface winning in Double OT, down three with 1.2 on the clock when they hit a three-pointer and cunt fouls on the play. A mistake as costly as Chris Webber’s ghost-technical. Fuckface hits the free throw and wins the National Championship. I mean, really. Even if your boy were to call you fuckface, you’d at the very least turn and give him a “What you talkin’ ’bout Willis?” look.

 

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